Why

I'm a self-professed fairly un-demanding person when it comes to food aka I don't freak out if my half-boiled/poached/whatever-thats-not-fully-cooked egg is unwhole/burst/etc.

But.

Laksa should have cockles.

Steamboat should have prawns/seafood.

BBT should have Nata de Coco when I ordered for Nata de Coco. *highlight
The feeling when I tasted pearls instead of Nata de Coco is...

T^T

不喜欢 那又怎样

我不喜欢
人家不经允许随意碰我的东西
仿佛
那件东西并不属于我一样
那种感觉令人
厌恶

我不喜欢
我在乎的人误会我
仿佛
她从来不懂我一样
那种感觉令人
失望

我不喜欢
我连表达不喜欢的权利都没有
仿佛
我不能有自己的感受一样
那种感觉令人

很想消失

做不到的事情就不要随便答应
很恶心

Boomshakalaka

最近负能量爆棚
*boom*

Leave me be

Society is not structured around friendships - I said so myself.

Live with it.

But don't you dare tell me that "you won't feel this way after you got a boyfriend". You are not me, don't assume that you know what I feel. If that is all friendship means to you, I can't say who I feel more sorry for - you, or your friends.

天底下无不散之筵席 <- 真的很讨厌这句话

人生就是不停地与人相遇和离别
说再见的时候 要怎么知道还会再次见面?

I feel.

I was updating my blog and reading my soulmate's one, and went on to load some of my friends' blogs, and realised that other than my soulmate, everyone else had stopped updating theirs.

I realised I missed that. People don't write anymore, or maybe they still do, but stopped posting it online. They say a picture says a thousand words, but an instagram post of a bowl of ramen doesn't really tell me much you know.

I miss knowing what my friends felt. Maybe about a movie, a book, a story, an event they saw or had happened.

//

为什么伤心的情歌比开心的多？
因为幸福都很相似 但失恋却有千百种

《六弄咖啡馆》观后感 尽量spoiler free

“你有没有觉得你变得不一样了？”
“我们本来就不一样。 ”

戛然而止的青春

不是每个人都能够顺势成长

对于有些人而言
即使有着一直让他知道
You are not alone
的兄弟
他也会以WTF的方式让你知道
You are not enough

Life can be really simple at its simplest, and a pain at its most complicated.

M: Do you like him?
K: Still okay.
M: Why do you like him?
K: Because he bring us go out. And he asked what is your favourite flower and he bought you your favourite flowers.

生命的命题

To what extent should we settle? Since the very notion that there's something, someone better out there would mean that you would not be satisfied with what you have. How do you know? Maybe this is it. This is all that is.

Maybe everyone have a different capacity to feel certain extent of happiness, maybe the love that has been glorified and raised to a pedestal by others is simply out of reach for you, maybe your happiness isn’t tied to love with another person. 

You won’t miss what you never had. I’ve never met someone who gave me the feeling that he was “the one”. So I wonder whether I would ever feel that way about anybody. So what do I do? Do I settle? Do I keep looking? How would I ever know?

-> You will know when you get there.

有谁听
从来都没有人听

我们很像很容易被感动 又很像很难被感动

一向懒得在社交媒体发言。和三观不一样的人没什么好争的。永远达不到共识。非亲非故何必强求。

魔女审判开始了。
……中世纪的魔女并不在于她做了什么，而是过去有什么样的流言。
 邻居死了儿子，村人走失了牛，母鸡下不了蛋……她被什么男人骗了，又甩了什么人。这些，都是魔女的“铁证”。
真荒谬。但是这种荒谬却常常上演，延到二十一世纪，依旧如此。

 --------

“网路真是一种方便的东西。打几个字，按下滑鼠键，就有泡面似的正义，真好用。”

 --------

有果必有因。她不知道该同情谁，好像谁都有错，但是谁的罪都不到死罪。

 -----------

“但是你要知道，她并非没有过错 ."
"她的过错应该死吗？你们、你们……你们等着看戏、看血腥的戏!你们在等待她死，巴不得她死！人言可畏人言可畏人言可畏~“

摘自《养蛊者》蝴蝶seba著

---------------

"...fewer and fewer people could avoid the responsibility to have something to say about the new society. This was not just because the society was new and changing. More importantly, it was because this society demanded, in effect, that its more urbanized and literate citizens participate."

"...the unleashing of social differences in the arena of public politics is somehow aggravated by (perhaps even the result of) the odd shrinking of the world caused by new information technologies - not to mention the irony of globalization that the less people are able to avoid distant others, the more they must confront social differences far from their daily lives. ...[T]hese technologies have simultaneously made us aware of our differences and brought us into more intimate contact with each other." 

From Social Theory: Its Uses and Pleasure by Charles Lemert

真的忍得很辛苦

需要很忍耐很忍耐不要说出决绝的话

“也许它们都很年轻，都很孤独"

From Weibo:

芬兰摄影师Lassi Rautiainen在野外拍到了不同寻常的一幕，一只母熊和一只公狼，在10天的时间里，每天从晚上8点到凌晨4点的时间，走到一起，分享食物，一起玩耍，“也许它们都很年轻，都很孤独”，摄影师说。

Maybe we are all similar in our loneliness.

Adopt don't Shop

这几个周末开始到VFA去做一下义工帮帮可怜的狗狗门
每次都需要坐一个小时的巴士 再走15分钟的路才抵达小小的enclosure
通常一到就马上穿上围裙开始帮狗狗洗澡或者吹干毛发
若人手满了就在中间摸摸狗狗们
尽量给予这些在之前从来没有被爱过 被迫在狭窄又肮脏的笼子里频繁繁殖的
可怜的小生命 一点温暖和抚慰
一些活泼的就会一直跳在你身上求关注 求抚摸
一些会在你面前静静的看着你 当你摸一下它的头 它就会享受一般地闭上眼
一些则由始至终缩在一个角落瑟瑟发抖
大多数的狗狗们 都有外观上的缺陷
白内障 目盲 皮肤病 硕大的肿瘤 瘸脚 没有牙齿 甚至没有下巴
明明是贵重的品种 很多宠物商店里漂亮可爱的小狗们的爸爸妈妈们
却过着 这种生活
即使来领养的人 大多还是要那些看起来漂亮 没有病痛的狗狗
但是precisely是这些有年龄和病痛的狗狗需要一个安稳的环境 一个温暖的家 一个爱它的主人
它们才有办法好好养伤养病养老
那么狭小的空间 却要容纳上百只狗狗 大小不一
再小的狗都需要一定的活动空间
每次看到那几只瘸着脚险些滑倒的 盲了一只甚至两只眼睛容易被惊吓的
都觉得很担心 但又很无力

上个星期在VFA的fb上看到
我前个星期破例让这只特别乖巧的狗狗跳队先吹头发的 小生命
就这样过世了
它就这样一辈子 从来没有体验过家的温暖
的 走了

今天是VFA的adoption drive
狗狗们都放到较大的 在外边的 enclosure里
太阳很晒 每只都热得气喘吁吁的
我站在里头帮忙打理
看着站在围栏外的人

有一只shih tzu
我本身之前不是很熟悉
（真的好多poodle和shih tzu）
在离我不远的距离坐着
时不时如果有其它狗经过或碰到它
就会吠做状要咬
我就一直听到有人说 这只狗很凶/aggressive
aka 大大扣分
我就很担心
结果摸了一下它的头
它就完全收起恶狗状 静静的给我摸
我就一直和它说 你明明很乖的 要表现乖一点
每只狗的个性不一样
一些和人亲近但会wary of其它狗狗
如果家里只打算养一只就没问题了
或者需要花一些时间和家里的狗狗相处 也就好了
但是在这种adoption drive只要有所谓的不良表现
几乎都等与淘汰出局了
愿意忍受自己养大的小狗撒泼的人
却不一定愿意领养一只有相同问题的老狗
一些怕生的 或较solidary的 就会靠在角落
我就只能试图和它们玩一下 让它们能多被关注一些
就一直和它们念叨着
你们要show face知不知道
长得那么可爱要去露露脸啊
快点去show face
show face show face show face

有一只长毛吉娃娃
非常非常乖巧
长德也很漂亮可爱
不吵不闹 但又很精神愛撒娇
我把它放在我的腿上
它就乖乖的坐着
更难得的是 当其它狗狗围过来的时候 它不会吃醋 还会和狗狗玩
就特招人疼
结果有人说想看它把它抱出去的时候
我还怪舍不得的
一方面很舍不得 一方面当然希望它从此找到好人家 过上幸福的生活
结果没到10分钟就放回来了 = - =
因为那人看到它一只眼睛有一点白内障 不乐意 不想要
=皿=
我扪心自问它的白内障真的不严重 它也没有其它毛病
结果被嫌弃了
差点鼻子都被气歪了 擦

一直我很心水的french bulldog
一直会吐着舌头
超级可爱 超乖
摸它的头的时候
它就会发出咕噜噜咕噜噜的声音
超萌的
今天大太阳天它就热到累
不愿走动 趴在那里昏睡
结果接近尾声的时候 它被人领养走了
看着它被未来的主人抱走时
酸酸甜甜的
希望这会是它的happily ever after <3 p="">
还有很多小故事就不说了
想说的是 我根本没有喂食它们 也没有给零食
甚至和它们相处的时间也不久
我只是坐在那里 摸一摸这个 抱一抱那个
它们就会围过来
幸福的眯上眼睛 发出咕噜噜的声音
就 它们要的 真的不多

没有需求就没有供给
领养不弃养
Adopt don't Shop!

欲加之罪何患无辞

做什么都没有用

欲加之罪何患无辞

就只会在那激我挖坑给我跳

期待我行差踏错的一天

然后说

看吧 你们都一样

Poem in 1976

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew. 

Then they came for me—
and there was no one left to speak for me.

- Martin Niemöller (1892–1984)

Values are not the same as attitudes.

These couple of weeks and especially today, alongside reports from the PM office, was heated discussions about MM Lee. Some love him, some hate him. I never participate in such online discussions because from past experiences people like to shove their opinions your face and in a less than civil manner. And also you can be presented with all the objective facts and still love/hate him.

I am actually quite politically apathetic. Other than the PM and the head of my area's GRC, I do not know and do not care about the other politicians. PAP aka the ruling government to me is an established state bureaucracy, and impersonal. One can argue that we are propagated such that we do not imagine changing the ruling party, but I also believe that it is because our security is taken care of to the extent that we take it for granted.

Of course, I speak as such because of my biography. In our meritocratic and elitist system, I don't exactly belong to the elite group duh, but I was able to get proper education. I am able to get an university education with heavy subsidies and loans from the government. My university degree would be recognized in most parts of the world. If I don't get all stuck up and expect too high a starting pay, I should be able to get a relatively decent job, and be able to pay off my loan in installments, and accumulate savings in my CPF account.

There are flaws in our system. The heavy reliance on CPF account leaves those without employment such as housewives vulnerable. The constant focus on the nuclear family in many of our policies disadvantages those without, such as single mothers. The continual stress on Asian conservativism results in stagnant accordance of social rights and repression of various minorities. The tight social controls and censorship results in stifled freedom of speech and infringement of various rights such as privacy.

 I diverged.

Probably because how often I hear and read about people blaming the Lee family, the PAP, as though they personally are responsible for every problem in their life. 

It's so weird.

As sociologists we are supposed to translate "private troubles to public issues", which is to take into account historical, structural, autobiographical contexts in analysis, and to see personal problems as influenced by larger structural issues. What I see from many people is claiming private troubles as caused by the PAP government. And if those who complained were those compromised by the system i.e. housewives, migrant workers, I could empathize. But the weirdest thing is how often those who complain are those who actually benefit from the system. Middle-class employees who could afford a car (and that COE), regular travel trips, branded goods, dining indulges, are complaining about high prices. University undergraduates are complaining about the competitive education system (excuse me do you realize how many people you step on to get a place??) - but it is precisely this exclusiveness that gives the degree its value and the higher starting pay.

The list of things that LKY did for our country, whether they are liked or not has been brought up and discussed in detail. Your values and experience would determine what you choose to believe, what you choose to see. I always thought that being a politician in a democratic regime is a thankless job. All I can say is, he had a vision for a tiny island years ago, and he went on to realize it. Do you even see beyond yourself aside from personal achievements? If you do not like what you are seeing in this country now, are you going to make the effort to effect change, or would you just migrate to another country with the money and resources that you had acquired from here in Singapore?

3 grand essentials of happiness

"The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for. "
-Alexander Chalmers